I asked her one question in reply, and truth be told, I already knew the answer:  “When you first start to process ‘stuff,’ do you do it in your head, or by talking it out?”  

“Of course I do it in my head first!”  

From there, we continued to discuss the differences between extraversion and introversion, about sources of energy, and why that was the reason I probably put my foot in my mouth many more times over the 40+ years we’ve known each other than she has.  

Her initial reactions were based on so many of the stereotypes associated with introversion.  While those with such a preference can be shy, so can those of us with a preference for extraversion.  “Shyness” isn’t a determinant.  

What complicates matters further is a bias – perceived or validated - against introversion in many US and Canadian corporate environments.  Those who provide quick answers, are spontaneous in sharing during brainstorming, and demonstrate high energy are frequently rewarded with choice assignments and promotions.  

I had someone confide in me a couple of years ago that he frequently “fakes” extraversion at work as a combat strategy in order to be accepted.  When I asked him how he felt at the end of the day, his simple answer?  “Exhausted.”  

Getting back to my friend - by the end of the conversation, she claimed introversion as her preference.  And she's absolutely right, she’s not shy!